Welcome to The Sniffing Snout

Growing up with fobby Chinese parents and having dogs all my life means that I had a lot of learning to do when it came to raising a healthy dog. Doggy bliss during my formative years came in the form of Marlu, then Judo, two beautiful and misunderstood German Shepherds.

I was too young to develop much of a connection with Marlu, but from pictures shes always lurking in the background with her head cocked to one side, wondering what my short little stumpy a* would do next.  Marlu escaped from the yard and was hit by a car. While she sustained few physical injuries, she was definitely emotionally and behaviorally scarred. Since the accident, every time she heard a car, she’d fearfully leap over the fence and escape. We eventually had to give her away to another lame Chinese family that tied her to a big tree for the remainder of her life. This is depressing recalling these memories.

From my 3 year old perspective, Judo was a massive specimen that had all sorts of behavioral issues: aggression towards other dogs, aggression exacerbated by food, xenophobia etc… Clearly, the name suited him. In the summers, his poor ears were savagely attacked by horseflies and my dad’s ignorance and inexperience led him to smear baby oil on the skin. Horrible, I know.  During one summer, my dad, my sister and I traveled first to Taiwan and waited for my mom to follow for a family vacation.  I remember, painfully, sitting in my dad’s office chair, waiting to go to lunch and the phone ringing. My mom was on the other line. Judo collapsed. The diagnosis was cancer- a tumor of some sort in his colon.  To operate and pay thousands of dollars was not an option, so my mom opted to euthanize Judo. I never got to say goodbye to my stinky companion. It was my first major experience with death, and maybe since i’m getting all emotional, I haven’t gotten over it.

Since the weather in NYC today is dreary and gloomy, its only fitting that my post be equally depressing.

Dear Marlu and Judo,
I miss you and thank you for being the best dogs to grow up with.  I’m sorry we didn’t know how to treat you better and that dad was so strict with you guys. You were beautiful, smart and loyal dogs that deserved so much more. Thank you for being patient with me, I’m sure I was a royal pain to be around since I cried so much and drooled everywhere.  I’ll make sure Mr.Brown and Hanna look for you [when the time comes] and they’ll bring you some Chinese sausage. I remember you guys liked that. I love you and miss you.

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Of the many annoying things that Mr.Brown is capable of, (hogging up 75% of the bed, slobbering in anticipation of food/treats, pooping when I don’t have a bag handy), the most irritating thing is his insatiable appetite. Steadily progressing walks are punctuated with jolts and yanks in the direction of pizza crusts (eat your crusts people, don’t you know NYC water makes good carbs?!), apple cores, vomit (thank you, lushy Halloween wino-noobs) and smooshed chocolate on the ground.  When I lived in LA, my mom would give me tons of fruit to take back to my condo and if I forgot to move them out of reach, Mr.Brown would find a way to paw them off countertops, into his mouth, and out his active sphincter.  The worst experience I had was when he got a hold of a BOX of papayas (count-eight) and was projectile diarrheaing out papaya seeds for the next 3 days- cleanup was a b*.

Since moving to NY, he’s been pretty good about not stealing food I’ve wised up and have kept food out of his sniffing snout(.com) But today when I opened the door, and he didn’t bum-rush me at the door, I knew something was wrong. He was lying down, huddled by the sofa, squinting his eyes in anticipation for a smack, and looking ever so guilty.  While we were out, his SniffingSnout(.com) obviously got the better of him and led him upwards to the counter where my mini George Foreman grill was resting. He had licked the burnt mustard/garlic/soy sauce/honey marinade fromt he grill after it had fallen and shattered into little pieces on the floor. What a brat!

For some reason, I feel responsible for his typical male behavior. Since I castrated him at an early age, I suppose his penis can no longer drive him to do evil things, and instead his nose has taken its place.

Bad Dog!!

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For the past few days, Mr.Brown’s been having non-productive, sporadic hacking and coughing episodes. I did some Yelp research and found positive reviews for Gramercy Park Animal Hospital and got an appointment within 24 hours.  The receptionists are a bit abrasive and aloof, but satisfactorily completed the paperwork and got us into a room ~10 minutes of our appointment time.

Dr. Rubin performed the examination- I found his method pretty thorough. However, he did focus mostly on the respiratory portion of the exam and missed Mr.Brown’s new hangnail, and glossed over my concerns about developing allergies but I’m not so great about being aggressive with my questions.

So heart rate, lungs, and heartbeat sounded fine, Dr. Rubin was unable to elicit a cough through pharanx palpation so he suggested we do an x-ray to rule out lung/bronchiole infections.  Ultimately the x-rays were more or less inconclusive, except for some ambiguous white matter (possibly infection) which we are treating with antibiotics.  I was sure to ask Dr. Rubin about the possibility of laryngeal paralysis, which I had read about online, and he ruled it out immediately much to my relief.  Dr. Rubin’s grandfatherly, calm demeanor was appreciated but I do wish I had been more aggressive to address other issues Mr. Brown deals with. I’d recommend them, their prices are comparable to other clinics in NYC (ie. expensive but reasonable):
-$80 initial consultation
-$45 Stool sample
-$70 X-rays
-$63 Medication

Goodbye $285, hello Healthy Mr.bRown.

Oh, he’s on a 2 week sabbatical from strenuous exercise..

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I read somewhere that dogs are capable of learning up to 140 commands. Obviously, Mr.Brown’s capabilities have been severely undermined by my laziness and impatience, but I am proud to say that through coercion and bribery, he has added one more trick to his repertoire. He now knows 4 commands!
In his 6 years of life, he has learned:
- Sit
- Stay
- Ok! : this releases him from prior 2 commands

and he officially learned
- Lie Down

It took about 3- 10 to 15 min sessions, but he definetely knows it and will be happy to demonstrate next time he’s see’s you. Bonus if you’re equipped with some bacon.

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I’m noticing a lot of changes in Mr.Brown from the last time we were roommates, about 3 years ago. When he isn’t outside being active 2-3 times a day, he’s usually prostrate and sleeping. Where he used to be a rich chocolaty brown, theres a lot more gray around his muzzle and snout. When I walk in the door, it takes him a little bit longer to come greet me, even though his tail still wags ferociously.

He’s started coughing a lot lately. He’ll have these episodes of non productive coughing which have gotten more frequent. I gotta make an appointment to the vet and get it checked out. But I did some online research and apparently this is frequent in Labs- a sign of laryngeal paralysis? I’m pretty worried and really sad that the love of my life (quadriped) is getting older.

Oh Mr.Brown, dont get older, I don’t know what I would do without you.  (lump in throat   )

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Madison Square is home to Jemmy’s Dog Run and Shake Shack, burger joint extrodinaire.  Even the possibility of greasy beef patty trimmings couldn’t tempt Mr. Brown away from the scent of the dog run.  For me, the crazy strong scent of urine is enough to keep me from becoming a regular to this dog run.

The Rundown

Address
Madison Avenue to 5th Avenue between East 23rd Street & East 26th Street

Hours
6am-12am

Pros:
- Partition dividing large and small dogs
- Larger than both Chelsea Waterside and Union Square dog runs
- Plenty of bench space for bipeds
- Water troughs on premises

Cons:
- Unsavory pervasive stench of urine
- Gravel terrain, not the most sanitary

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Mr. Brown is currently 6 years old. That means, for the past 6 years we have tried many MANY methods and spent a lot of money trying to learn how to walk correctly on a leash. Every day is a new day. Therefore, fortified with Pandora’s gift, I naively expect Mr.Brown to magically walk at a normal pace at my side. Alas, that dream is not my reality- there’s pulling and yanking, especially during the morning walk where #1 on the agenda is finding the perfect place to pee. Then, of course, since we live in NY, there are pizza crusts to be had and apple cores to be eaten, so I’m jerked in their respective locations. Lastly, if in a 0.5 mile radius of a dog park, there’s all sorts of madness involving jumping and totally ignoring my tugs to SLOW THE F* down!

Computer related carpal tunnel, compounded by constant lugging of bags, and pinnacled by Mr.Brown’s banshee-ving has totally wrecked my wrists. Ugh.

We’ve tried the normal nylon collar, basic ‘choke’ collar, gentle leader and have finally settled on the sadistic ‘prong’ collar-which worked for like 5 seconds. Still, pulling pulling pulling.

Inspired by Guru Cesar (Milan), I’ve been changing my habits. But attempts to master the calm assertive pack leader are basically useless when Mr.Brown has been tugging for 90% of the walk. I’m open to any viable suggestions. My dog is totally food motivated (understatement of the year) but also prone to the pudge.

It is a challenge, but coincidentally, so is my middle name.

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I contemplated washing Mr.Brown in our shower with a fixed head for about 10 seconds before I foresaw all sorts of mayhem and filth and decided to take him to Dog Wash in Greenwich Village for a self service wash.  For $20 + tax, Mr.Brown got his own stall where a prewash, shampoo, speed blow dry, and ear cleaning were conducted with relative ease.  Mr.Brown is clean and I am happy. We will be going back for 2nds in a few weeks.

The Rundown:

Address
177 MacDougal St.
Greenwich Village (sub-level location)

212-673-3290

Hours
M-F 7:30a-8p
Sat & Sun 12p-7p

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Mr. Brown recently visited his first farmers market. He’s generally a decent shopping companion; I’ve brought him into quite a few retail stores (ie. GAP, Brooklyn Industries, Paragon Sports) but being around food unleashes the intractable bingey beast in him.
Prior to entering the farmer market domain, I reasserted my authority by making him sit patiently and observing the new atmosphere for about 1 minute. But, somewhere between the first cinnamon raisin loaf and Jonagold apples, he totally went bonkers and we totally failed as a composed shopping duo. If he wasn’t jumping on tables to eat apples from sample trays, he was hovering down bruised Roma tomatoes in the rubbish bins beneath the tables. Like most good-looking creatures, he was able to charm the vendors but I was not amused. How do I get my dog to behave around food?! Granted, he is my child, and he is a Labrador so he’s cursed with an unsatiable appetite. But this unruly behavior must be tamed.

On a side note, the last time I brought him into Duane Reede, he chewed through a pack of Rolo’s while I was at the checkout counter.

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Our apartment happens to be prime Chelsea real estate. Not only are we directly across from family establishment, G’s, but we are also super close to Chelsea Waterside Park.

The Rundown:

Address
W. 23rd and 11th Ave

Hours
7am-1am

Pros:
- Hilly terrain promotes aerobic and anaerobic activity
- Concrete flooring keeps dogs clean
- 2 points of entry: Mr.Brown gets uber hyperactive near the gate adjacent to the street, so we walk a bit further to the other gate to calm him down
- Plastic pools available in the summer for skinny dipping
- Water trough, doggy bags, and rubbish bin on premises
- Plenty of benches for bipeds
- Located remotely on the west side, so probably less crowded than more centralized dog runs (Union Square, Washington Square etc..)

Cons:
- Fleas?! Mr Brown’s on Advantix but I’m not. Whenever I go there in shorts, I come home with tons of bites…ugh!
- Located remotely, not super convenient

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